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Relationship Tips by Ricardo Costa
Speaking with boys can be one of the most difficult things you can do, particularly if you actually like the boy you need to talk to. There will most likely be thoughts that cross your mind like “ I don’ t know what to state to him”, “ what if he or she thinks I’ m stupid”, and so on.
Follow this advice to help you understand what boys like to talk about and how they react to various subjects.
Get him to talk about himself – Ask questions which will get him to talk about the things he or she likes, what his thoughts are. For example , ask which team their cap or jacket is from and how long he’ s already been following them for, ask exactly what he thought of an earlier class, inquire what he likes to watch in the news, what sort of movies he likes to watch, and so on. You will be able to learn quite a bit about him from these types of questions. I would recommend staying away from questions that have a simple yes/no answer such as “ did you prefer that class” or “ did you watch [a particular TV show] last night”. Open-ended questions will help the conversation flow more normally and for longer.
Give him time for you to talk – When we are nervous, we tend to fill up the silence with words. This removes any awkward silences, yet at the same time, it doesn’ t permit the other person to have an input to the conversation. If you tend to talk a lot when you’ re nervous, focus on inquiring a question and then stopping. Also, consider two deep breaths before beginning to speak. This will give him enough opportunity to say something if he would like to, and it will prevent him from feeling smothered in a one-way conversation.
Use laughter to ease the tension – If you can find some thing to laugh about – a tale you have heard or something amusing that happened, that’ s a great way to ease the tension and make the discussion fun for the both of you.
Stick to the truth – We frequently feel that our true selves isn’ t worth the attention we want. To compensate for this, we are prone to stretching the truth to make ourselves look more impressive. This is a mistake. It might seem to operate the short term, but it will definitely become harmful in the long term. Boys actually want to understand that you are a real person with true positives, negatives, successes, and failures. Don’ t hide them. Becoming truthful will allow for a stronger companionship to form between you.
Eye contact is key – We don’ t just communicate through the words. We also communicate by means of our body language and our eyes. Making eye contact shows that you respect him and are interested in what he’s to say.
Make the first shift – Just as you are nervous about going up and speaking with him first, boys are also quite nervous about approaching girls. They have got the same fears of “ searching stupid” and no knowing what to say. Sadly one of you will have to make the first shift and it might as well be you. The earlier you get it done, the sooner you should understand whether he has an interest in a person, and the sooner the anxiety of not knowing will be resolved.
If you aren’ big t sure about how to approach a boy for the first time, first make a connection by smiling as you walk past each other. He will notice you and return the smile. Say “ hi” as well. Although this seems like an extremely small thing, it will make the first-time you have a conversation more natural and much more comfortable.
When you approach him for the first time to start a conversation, try to do it when he’ s alone somewhere. This can allow him to be himself. Ask one or two open-ended questions like those suggested at the beginning of this article. All you want from this discussion is to get him talking to a person, and only for a very short time. Don’ t expect a lengthy conversation. Just a few exchanges. End the conversation simply by saying that you have to head off to class or meet with some friends.
Once you have done it the first time, it will be easier to replicate having a short conversation with your pet. Do this two to three times and your conversations will naturally increase in length and deepen in content. From here you will be able to direct your conversations to to want them to go. Do exactly what feels natural. You will be able to have longer and deeper conversations, and you will be capable to organise doing some things together like getting a bite to eat or going to see a movie.
Talking to boys is very different to talking to your best friends. The first exchange is the hardest. But keep this to a very short conversation just to break the ice, and let your conversations become longer naturally. Don’ t become too critical of yourself. Provide time. Each time you do it your stress and anxiety will reduce and you will become more confident with it.
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