We sometimes hear from wives who else just aren’ t buying their particular husband’ s excuses with regards to his affair. One common complaint is husbands having a lame excuse why the affair lasted as long as this did. Many times, his excuse doesn’ t even sound plausible.
I heard from a wife who said: “ I found out there two weeks ago that my husband continues to be cheating on me with a woman who else works at the grocery store where we shop. He initially tried to tell me that it only lasted for a couple of several weeks, but I got a hold of his phone records and it obviously lasted for much longer than that. Actually it lasted for months. So when We confronted my husband about this and inquired him why he would remain in a relationship that he claimed meant absolutely nothing to him, he said that he or she only stayed in the relationship mainly because every time he tried to break this off, the other woman would let him know that she was going to tell me almost everything the next time that I was in the store. So he remained in the relationship because he didn’ t want for me to find out. Is this even possible? Because this seems like such a bogus excuse to me. As well as if it’ s true, in case he wasn’ t getting something out of the relationship, I can’ big t imagine him staying even if he or she knew I’ d found out. “
Actually, you might be surprised at how many cheating spouses never envision their spouse finding out regarding the affair. Often , they are not thinking rationally and they are not really thinking about the future. Numerous don’ t intend to carry on the unfaithful relationship forever either. So your finding out isn’ t usually in their immediate thought process, as silly as that may sound.
Many Men Claim That The Other Woman Does Various Things To Hold Onto The Relationship: So the next question gets would a reasonably rational guy allow the other woman to basically black mail him? I have to confess that this isn’ t the first time which i have heard of a situation like this. It’ s not an uncommon excuse. And am will admit that a number of men have made comments on my blog outlining how the other woman offers tried a number of ploys to keep your pet from ending things.
Often , she will try a number of tactics like making him feel accountable, or trying to entice him to change his mind, or attempting to make your pet believe that she won’ t create any demands of him. When things like this don’ t work and the husband still tries to end the relationship, it wouldn’ t be unheard of for her to threaten to inform the wife. However , common sense would tell you that if she does this, their relationship would most certainly modify. Because they would now both realize that he’ s not there due to his own free will, but that he is only there because of fear. And frankly, I would think that this would obtain old quite fast. Who wants to continue on in a relationship for the long term when you realize that he is only there because he is afraid of the consequences when he is not?
Know That The Truth Will Likely Surface At Some Point: I think that the heart of this whole conflict was the wife’ s desire to know how serious this relationship truly was. Many wives would rather view a short fling than a long term partnership if they had a choice. Because the longer the relationship, the more emotional or physical connection that this implies. But when the spouse claims that the length of the affair should be negated because he was pressured into staying, then the wife has to evaluate if she’ s going to purchase this.
I know it can feel as if you need to make a fast decision as to whether you are going to purchase this or not. But , frankly you can often wait and just accept that this jury might still be out. Due to the fact quite honestly, over the course of trying to repair your marriage, you will often obtain a more clear picture of the truth, and this often comes a little bit at the same time as your husband thinks you can endure the truth or as accuracy starts to slip out.
I know that you are inclined to worry about this and I completely understand that. But it may help you to definitely know that most of the time, the truth doesn’ big t stay hidden forever. If exactly what he is telling you is true, then you will likely see some evidence of the same at some point or he will keep that concept consistent. If not, it will likely become apparent to you.
What Matters More Than The Nature Of the Relationship: I know that you feel as if you need the absolute truth since you need to know just how much she mattered to him. But what you also need to seem to comprehend is that often, he believes one thing when the affair is active only to modify his mind once it’ s i9000 not. While things are fascinating and he’ s right in the center of carrying this out, he may feel invested and his sense of excitement may actually feed this.
But once the affair is out in the open, it is almost as if a balloon becomes deflated. The build up is let down and the excitement wanes. And suddenly it may become clear to him that will she wasn’ t all that particular after all. This might be what your husband is dealing with now. He might now realize how much of a mistake that this relationship was and now he could be trying to do everything that he can to decrease it in both of your eyes.
Do I buy his claim that he only stayed with the other lady because of blackmail or a threat to expose the affair? Not really. And if this were true, he didn’ big t have a lot of control during this whole process, but that is true of many men. And frankly, it is very common for a man to say anything necessary to downplay the relationship, especially when he would rather it never occurred to begin with when he unfortunately can not take it back.
As frustrating since it is, sometimes you have to ask yourself if you want to place a relationship that is over or if you want to ensure that it is over and after that decide if you want to move on. Because the truth is, people’ s feelings and feelings often change dramatically during a good affair. What he felt mere weeks ago may seem very international and shameful to him right this moment.