General David Petraeus’ resignation and admission of an extramarital affair bloody the waters and the news media are usually in a feeding frenzy. Another effective man been brought down with inappropriate sexual behavior with a attractive younger woman. The responses cover a broad range of speculations from man will be men to powerful many men over sexed. The response that caught my attention is that strength is an aphrodisiac. To accept that conclusion tends to indict men who are devoted to their marriage.
I believe there is another answer that much more powerful and more profound than the have to satisfy an overactive sex drives. To suggest that so many powerful men would risk everything they had accomplished solely for sex is a major over-simplification. The political, social, along with often financial cost at stake just do not make good sense. Men within powerful positions did not reach the positioning of importance by making senseless decisions and having poor judgment.
If we examine this behavior from the wider and a more profound placement, other than the surface view of strength and sex, we may reach an alternative conclusion. To understand this behavior as a psycho-dynamic of two individuals in a symbiotic attachment, each living out there some unresolved childhood psychological issue may be more productive. The literatures are full of incidences in which sexual activity utilized to ease hidden and unresolved issues, many from childhood. For instance, we can agree that rape has nothing to do with sexual intercourse, but everything to do with control and aggression.
Whenever we notice a sexual deviation in adults-such as perversion and fetishism more examination will reveal some experience in the area of fixation in childhood (Freud, 1924). To make the connection I must quotation from Freud’ s principle of psychic determinism or causality which usually states “ consciousness is an excellent rather than a regular attribute of psychic processes. ” In other words, we are too often driven by unconscious desires and less by conscious understanding. We all at, one time or another promised ourself that we will never again do this or even that… and find that we repeat the particular undesirable behavior again and again. Why? It might serve some unconscious needs. Consequently , we should, at least, entertain the idea that the knowledge received by the consciousness of what is going on in daily lives, including intimate behavior, liable to be incomplete, filled with gaps, or driven by unconscious (childhood) needs.
In this instance, instead of power and sex, I realize it as a symbiotic relationship, an unspoken (unconscious) agreement between two individuals. Symbiosis understood as a disguised representation of a repressed wish or even impulse, or a close, often neurotic, attachment of one individual to another. The position that I take on this subject based on certain facts of daily life. For example , it is easy to show that value your brain places on erotic needs immediately diminishes as soon as satisfaction becomes readily obtainable; any dispute about this passed away long ago. Certain school of psychology accepted the belief that a husband is never anything but a proxy. The particular husband is never the right man, the first claim upon the feeling of love in a woman belongs in order to someone else; her father. The hubby is at best a second. Rather the particular husband rejected or not depends upon the effectiveness of this fixation (Freud, 1924). To see a fully and normal attitude within love two emotion have to bring together; the tender, affectionate feelings as well as the sensual feeling. Psychology inform us to be free and happy within love one must set aside his deferential approach for women, and embrace the particular blinding light of the incest taboo.
I believe, I have established the foundation in which to answer several questions that part of the conversation entails extramarital affair between powerful men and young women. For example , why do women prefer powerful men when it comes to associations? And why do powerful men engage in extramarital affairs more than effective women?
First, we should accept the position that power indicates authority, The President of the United States, an army general, the policeman on the block, teacher in the classroom, or the father in your home. These are all position of strength and authority.
Energy and authority play no part. The individual participates in the relationships to live out a childhood wish, or even an unresolved childhood conflict. In adulthood, sex is, often , the automobile used to act out the forbidden want.
Extramarital affairs the particular men involved are older women are often younger and unmarried. Now, if one can look beyond the particular glaring hot light of society’ s strong taboo against incest one will see the father/daughter connection.
In the symbiotic connection, the younger woman (daughter) finally gained the upper hand on the older female (mother) the daughter now have the girl first love (father) the old man. The childhood wish has become complete. However , there is a price to purchase violating society’ s taboo against (father/daughter) incest. Often it is the man who must pay in the form of politics, social, personal, and family embarrassments and public disgrace. A great price to pay: and a form of punishment to be on the wrong side of the incest taboo. Sometime the wayward individual themselves start the dominoes in order to fall that reveals the behavior.
As for women of strength and women who seek out effective men, both are dancing towards the same tune. But sex or even power is not the driving push the goal is to gain the particular love of the “ father. ” However , the woman who is powerful as well as the woman who seek powerful men take separate path to accomplish their particular goals. The personality of the individual as well as the child within determine which route taken.
The woman whom seek powerful men most likely was “ daddy’ s little girl” as a child she put her dad on a pedestal, if there is tension in between mother and father she takes her father’ s position. However , deeply repressed is her anger with your dad for choosing another woman (mother) over her but the hostility is unconscious she fear that if daddy learn her true feeling he would reject her.
The women whom seek power in her own right do not place men (father) on pedestals or worship them in any significant way, women who look for personal power, instead of powerful men do not have a strong desire for approval from men (father) they are more comfortable contending with men. These women are not “ daddy’ s little girl” they attitude toward father-figure is more aggressive and competitive.
However , do not be misled these women of power are also seeking the particular love of the father. These women also feel rejected and should compete with mother for father’ ersus love, but they take a different approach. The women of power, as a child, reject the “ good girl, behavior mother” approach as a way to gain father’ s love. Instead, they be like the father, aggressive, demanding, respected, and seek power as a tool to control and to achieve immediate satisfaction. These women become their fathers.
Women with strength, unlike men with power, rarely involved in highly publicized sexual shame. In fact , this behavior mirrors community in general in which older women possess little appetite for the seduction of younger men. Women of strength are seldom in public sexual shame involving younger men. Women who are motivated to achieve power and authority as the ultimate goal of achievement may not see sex as a superior to reach their goals.
S. Freud, 1924, The particular Passing of the Oedipus-Complex
This article should not be taken as a broad brush to paint all connection between older men and younger women as neurotic. The goal would be to offer another way to examine relationships in between powerful men and younger women, and not through the lens of sex and power.